Ask the right questions
As much as possible, open-ended questions that encourage more discussion. Open-ended questions encourage a deeper expression of feelings and thoughts.
Avoid holding Family Council only in response to negative circumstances.
"Family meetings can be disaterous if they are held only when cookies are missing from the cookie jar. Instead, they can be positive by planning for good times, and celebrating family achieivements."
Hold Family Council Regularly
Family councils are more succesful when they are held regularly, follow an agenda and have assignments and outcomes recorded.
Share Responsibility
The responsiblity for conducting the meeting should be shared or rotated. This helps each family member feel important while learning the divine pattern of family councils. The central idea of any council is to help each member feel their input is given equal consideration.
Make it Short, End on a High Note
Especially when children are involved, short meetings are helpful and are usually part of a positive experience. Some families end with a treat, others with a hug, yet others with a game or activity. Having a good ending helps family members look foward to the next meeting.
Follow up Individually During the Week
Parents espeically can initiate brief discussions during the week with family members. For instance, expressing that you have been thinking about thier comments made during family council is a good way to help others feel important.
Continue Improving the Meeting
Take a few moments during a family council, from time to time, to watch a video or read a talk related to instruction from our chruch leaders regarding effecrtive family councils and their divine purpose. This helps to assure family members that they are on the right path.
Avoid Over-expectation
Not every family council meeting with go as planned or visioned. Parents should foster a consitent enviornemt of love and acceptance, even when certain familiy members may be disengaged or experiencing an unparticipating mood. We all have ups and downs. Parents should recongize that family council may be different than they expected on that particular day. But, perserverance during such times will help family members adapt to family councils.
Be Flexible with the Agenda
Some of the most amazing moments or discussions occur spontaeoulsy and are directed by the spirit through members of the family council. A child may bring up a subject that was not planned but that leads to wonderful spiritual growth and experiences. Planning is good, but being mindful of the directing influcence of the spirit and the potential changes to the meeting that can bring about evolution in a family or family members.
Establish Rules
This is best done as a council rather than parents dictating rules to thier children. If suggested by the parents, make it a suggested rule rather than a decree. For instance, asking, "What would you all think of having a rule, no electronic devices during family council?" In most cases this is a more appropriate appraoch. When family members help create rules, they are more likely to abide by them and encourage others to do the same.
Make the Meeting Positive for Everyone
Parents should do thier best to make family council a positive experience for everyone. Input should be welcomed and validated, regarless of the thoughts and lack of acceptance among other family members. Parents should seek help individual family members feel good about the meeting.
Persevere During Difficult Times
Even when the meeting does not seem to be going well, due to varying moods and other influcence, press foward in the meeting and overcome resistance in a patient, loving way. Adjust the meeting's agenda as needed, but help family members see the complete family council pattern every time.
Be light-hearted at Times
One of the most powerful skills that can be developed is the ability to examine one's own mistakes and foibles life and view themselves with light-heartedness and laughter. Family council is a time to develop such skills. Asking members what mistakes they made this last week that made them feel embarrased may be a good way to teach the princple that perfection is not requried to be loved and accepted by the family.
Focus on Individual Needs
Ministering is accomplished when we meet an individual's needs. Family Council is a good time to let family members enunciate those spiritual and temporal needs and plan as a family to meet those needs.
Let Children Make Decisions
Children are more engaged when they are asked to share thier ideas. They can help make decisions. Parents may need to make some important decisions that affect the whole family, but when possible, allow decisions to be made by children, even when parents do not perfectly agree with thier thoughts. Regardless of the ouctome of the decision, show unity in family decisions.
Ucon Idaho Stake
